15 Ways To Piss The PT Cast Off
by ThatGirlWhoScaresThe-OutOfPepl
Summary: Ever wonder what buttons you need to push in order to get the tall, dark, and easily annoyed knight, the heartbreaking prince, the obsesed angsty raven princess, or the clumbsy duck/girl/princess to get pissed off? Yes? Well, you'll find the answers here!
1. Fakir and Stalker

**15 Ways to Piss Fakir Off**

**This is the re-written version of the story; since the first one held hurtful jokes that I do regret putting up. I hope you enjoy this crapy attempt at humor.**

**I don't own Tutu and never will.**

**1 Tell him Mytho just tried to commit suicide**

"Hey, Fakir?" Fakir looked up from his book at the unfamiliar voice and found a girl standing only a foot or two away from him. He searched his mind for a moment, trying to see if him and her had ever met before, but found no such thing.

"Who are you and what do you want?" he asked her rudely, his eyes narrowing.

"My name is Stalker," the girl said with a smile. Fakir blinked at her, then turned his attention back to his book. The girl didn't move and continued to watch Fakir read with that small smile still on her face. Fakir's eyes glared at the unfortunate page, quickly growing annoyed with her presence.

"If you are just going to stand there and stare at me, leave." The girl pouted slightly while her dark eyes narrowed, looking a bit cute.

"I just wanted to tell you that Mytho just jumped out of a window," she snapped at him. Her voice quickly changed to sound more like she was simply talking to herself. "I think it was suicide."

Fakir's green eyes widened to a point that it was almost comical, but this was Fakir, so the only times he was ever comical is when he is blushing. He then stood and ran out of the library, book forgotten.

"Hump!" Stalker crossed her arms. "Doesn't even say goodbye to me! That ass!"

**2 Tell him he sucks as a knight AND as a writer.**

"Fakir!" Stalker cried out as she ran down the pathway, a large grin on her face.

Fakir turned around and recognized the crazy girl running after him as the same crazy girl from yesterday. "Stalker?"

Stalker slowed from her running as she approached the green haired boy. She then grabbed a fist full of his, for lack of other words, poofy green hair and yanked it so his head would come down to her level. "I have something very important to tell you, something that will affect you're entire life," she whispered into his ear.

Fakir grabbed her wrist, squeezing it until she released her hold on his hair and glared fiercely at her. "Is Kraehe trying to kidnap Mytho again?" he asked, throwing her wrist to the side while he spoke. Stalker tenderly rubbed her wrist with her hand, glaring at him while still looking cute.

"Man, you are so abusive! And no, this is beyond him."

Fakir resisted the erg to roll his eyes. "Than what is it?"

Stalker smirked at him. "You fail at protecting Mytho and as a knight. . ."

Fakir opened his mouth to say something, but somewhere along the way, the words got caught in his throat and he remained silent. Stalker's smirk grew a bit. "And as a writer." A long moment of silence was held after her words.

"Fuck you." Was all Fakir managed to get out, but it was all that was needed.

**3 Ask him if he ever daydreams about Ahiru being nude.**

"Hi Fakir," Stalker said as she began stretching her legs out next to him in class. Fakir took a step back, a harsh glare already on his face.

"Oh Crap, not you again!"

Stalker only smiled at him. "Missed you too!"

"Leave!" Fakir ordered. By this point, a lot of student's were wondering why Fakir was yelling at the girl, and why a girl from the literary division was in class with the ballet dancers.

Stalker straightened from her stretch and smiled sweetly at the taller boy. "I will if you answer one question."

Fakir growled softly. This girl just didn't understand what 'Leave me alone' ment, did she? "Fine, what is it?" he snapped at her.

"Have you ever daydreamed about Ahiru being naked?"

Silence filled the dance studio. Ahiru turned redder than her hair and fell over in shock, forgetting balance completely. A few student's jaws made contact with the floor. Mytho blinked, taking notice that everyone was surprised by her question. Rue's red eyes widened and her entire body gave a slight jerk, a small 'Uhh' sound coming from her. Every hair on Mr. Cat's body stood on end and his eyes became dilated at the thought of two of his students doing such things before m. . . mar-marriage! The last few students watched as Mr. Cat started clawing at the floor boards, his meows and hisses filling the otherwise silent room.

Fakir's eyes went wide and a blush came to his face, thus, allowing him to become comical. "W-what?" He asked, his voice slightly louder than what he intended it to be.

"You're blushing! I knew it!" Stalker then turned and skipped out of the classroom, a happy grin on her face. While everyone looked at Fakir like her was a pervert and Fakir started to plan Stalkers death.

**4 Tell him you know about his steamy night with Rue a week ago.**

Fakir heard hushed whispers from the students around him and it gained his curiosity, especially when someone said the words 'think he called her Stalker or something'. He turned his head in the direction that he noticed everyone was looking, and there was Stalker, calmly walking in his direction, decked out in her black trench coat as always. Fakir glared at the seemingly innocent girl. "Stalker, if you say one word, I'm calling the police!"

Stalker rolled her eyes and snorted at him. "Yeah right, you love me!"

"No," Fakir told her, his voice dead serious. Stalker's eyes narrowed slightly.

"Yeah you do! Deep down you do!" she cried, firmly sticking to her belief.

"No, I do not."

At this point, a lot of students were watching with interest, including Ahiru and her friends, wanting to see more drama between Fakir and the mysterious girl. Others were simple walking past, knowing the two probably didn't want their audience to grow or just not caring, like Rue who was dragging Mytho around like the eye candy he is.

"You love me just like you love Rue!" Now this managed to catch everyone's attention, made a few eyes widen, and made Rue stop dead in her tracks, also bringing Mytho to a halt.

Fakir grew angrier at the thought of he and his hated enemy sharing anything but hate in their relationship. "Rue and I hate each other," he said simply.

"It's a cover-up for your true feelings!" Stalker proclaimed, crossing her arms. The student body started to whisper to each other, listening to each other with one ear and to Fakir and Stalker with the other ear.

"No, it's not."

"Then why was she moaning your name last night?"

Silence. Dead silence. Fakir than turned and looked at Rue, who's jaw had dropped. "What?"

Stalker gave her sweet little laugh. "I'll let you two talk this over, bye Fakir-kun!"

**5 ****Tell him that Mytho got Rue pregnant.**

"Fakir-kun!" Stalker called out to get the boys attention. A dark look came to Fakir's face when he heard her voice.

"What now?" he snapped.

Stalker only smiled at him, unaffected by his rudeness. "Fakir, have you heard the good news?"

"No, and I don't care to hear it from you, now leave," Fakir told her. He got up from his seat and started to walk away, knowing that he had left Mytho alone for too long and that he may have gotten into trouble or try to save a bird again.

"Alright fine, I'll just go congratulate Mytho by myself," Stalker said, knowing that he would take the bait.

Fakir stopped and turned to look at her. "What about Mytho?" Stalker smirked. Now she's got him. She gasped a bit, her hand covering her mouth.

"Didn't he tell you already?"

Fakir's eyes narrowed. "No, what is it?"

Stalker shook her head in a 'such a pity' fashion. "You would think he would tell his own best friend," she said to herself more than him.

"Stalker!" Fakir snapped.

"Alright, alright, no need to get pushy. Rue got pregnant and Mytho is the father!"

Fakir's eyes went wide. "WHAT?"

Stalker smirked teasingly at him. "Jealous much, Fakir?"

"Shut the hell up!" The knight then turned and stomped away from a laughing Stalker, a blush still on his face.

**6 Twirl a lock of his hair around your finger and tell him that Mytho doesn't have to know.**

"Hey, Fakir-kun?" Stalker asked gently. Fakir looked at her and his eyes widened at the very sluty outfit she wore. Now, I know that it may have just been the teenage hormones talking, but Fakir couldn't take his eyes off her, she was showing more freaking skin than Kraehe!

"Stalker, why are you here and why the hell are you dressed like that?" Fakir nearly yelled, taking a step back.

"You don't like it?" Stalker asked shyly, placing a hand on his chest, being a bit too close for Fakir's liking.

"Stalker, what are you—" Stalker placed a finger on his lips and gently shushed him. Fakir wasn't sure if he should just hit her at this point, yell, or give in, but what kind of impression would those oprions make on him.

"I'm here because you," Stalker leaned in bringing her face closer to his. "need to get laid."

Fakir decided to go with option two at that. "I'M GETTING A RESTRAINING ORDER ON YOUR ASS!"

Stalker, who wasn't all that effected by his screaming, though her ear where still ringing, smiled at him and started playing with his long bangs. "Is this about Mytho? He doesn't need to know."

**7 Ask him to marry you. **

"Fakir-kun!" Stalker called from across the street, breaking the fifty foot distance he had requested.

"Restraining order!" Fakir yelled back. Mytho cringed a bit, since he was right next to Fakir and his few heart shards allowed him this.

Stalker sighed a bit. "You're no fun any more."

"Than leave me alone!" Mytho started to take a few steps away, trying to get the ringing in his ears to stop, but Fakir grabbed his wrist, keeping the prince near him.

"Hey, I will once this chapter is over, okay?" A wicked smile came to Stalkers face and she looked at the pale boy, who looked a bit scared of her evil face. "Than I will attack Mytho," she muttered.

"What was that?" both boys asked her.

That sweet smile that Fakir was starting to see as evil came back. "Nothing at all, Fakir-kun." Fakir's face darkened at the pet name. Last night, he had looked up the 'kun' that she always added to his name. He found out that it was a Japanese honorific that most girls used for males that they are emotionally attatched to or very close to. To put it lightly, he wasn't happy with it.

"Stop calling me 'Fakir-kun'."

"Whatever," she shrugged off. "Now, Fakir, Sweetie Pie, I have to ask you something."

Fakir glared. "What do you want now? Don't call me Sweetie Pie either!" he snapped. Mytho watched silently from the sidelines, forgotten about for the moment.

"Alright, Sugar Lips." Fakir's hand tightened into fist and he silently counted to ten.

"Would you just ask the question and leave!" It was at this moment that Rue came and grabbed Mytho from behind Fakir's back, taking her love out for a walk like the good girlfriend she is.

"Okay, Love Bunny," Stalker said cheerfully. She then got down on one knee and brought a red box out from no were, opening it to show a diamond ring. "Would you marry me, Fakir?"

In the background, everyone heard a certain feline having a freak out about marriage.

"The HELL?"

"Is that a no?" Stalker asked, tilting her head to the side a bit.

"YES!"

"Yes, you'll marry me!" Stalker smiled, already planning what dress she wanted and how good Fakir will look in a tux.

"No!" Fakir yelled. He then realized that Mytho wasn't in the same place he left him in and groaned loudly, going on yet another man search for his friend.

"Make up your f*cking mind already!" Stalker screamed as they walked away, throwing the small box at Fakir's head before moodily stomping away, muttering something about plan C.

**8 Tell him that he says the sweetest things.**

Fakir, after so many hours of dealing with Stalker, was just about ready to explode. Stalker knew this, and she was eagerly waiting for it to happen. She saw that one more push was all that was needed, so she did it.

"So, how good is Mytho in bed?" she asked casually.

Yep, that did it.

"She-Devil!" Fakir yelled.

Stalker tilted her head to the side. "Aww!"

"Bitch!"

"You are so sweet!"

"Venomous Snake!"

"You're so nice!"

"I hate you!"

"Love you too!"

"What the hell! I'm insulting you!" Fakir explained to Stalker.

Stalker pulled a large black book out, about the size of a dictionary. "According to this your not."

"What?" Fakir grabbed the book from her hands and read the title. 'Obsession to Fangirl Translation Book.'

"What is this?" Fakir wondered out loud. He flipped the page open to a random page and began to read.

_'Obsession- Burn in hell. Translation- Never leave my side.  
Obsession- She-Devil. Translation- My Angel._  
_Obsession- Bitch. Translation- My Love._  
_Obsession- Leave me alone. Translation- see 'Burn In Hell'.'_

Fakir slowly looked away from the small text to Stalker, who only smiled at him.

**9 Show Fakir some of the Fakir/Mytho fanfics, Pictures, and video's.**

Stalker approached Fakir, a large black box that was tied with a large white ribbon in her arms. "Fakir, I have a gift for you."

Green eyes glared an intense glare that only Fakir can glare. "Well I don't want it."

Stalker suddenly looked as if he had just killed her puppy. "Why not?"

Fakir wasn't affected by her hurt expression. "Knowing you, it's something that will mentally scar me." With that, he turned and began to walk away.

"No," Stalker informed him as she began walking after him. "It's just some things I found on the internet that I found really interesting."

"I still don't want it."

"Well than, that's just too bad, because for the sake of this joke, you're getting this and you will hate it!"

"What?"

It is than that Stalker attacked.

TIME BREAK OF DOOM!

Stalker smiled as she placed that last picture back inside the box. It was so fun looking at all those pictures with Fakir, even if he was tied to a chair and cursing at her all the way threw. "Now, that wasn't too bad, now was it Fakir?" she asked the twitching boy.

"I will never be able to look at Mytho the same way again!"

"I never thought it would be so fun to torched a boy like this," Stalker said to herself as she skipped away, making sure to tell Ahiru that Fakir was in trouble so the girl would help to untie him.

**10 Telling him that it's over between you two in front of Mytho, Ahiru, and Rue.**

Stalker brought her make-up mirror out and brushed her cheeks gently with the rosy blush, sneakily angling the small mirror so she could look behind her and see Fakir talking with Rue, Ahiru, and Mytho. She smiled lightly when she noticed how Fakir couldn't look at Mytho. She closed the mirror with a light click, placed it inside the pocket of her black trench coat, turned and began walking to the small group, putting a false look of guilt on her face.

Stalker tried, and almost failed, to keep the fake look of guilt on her face when she saw Fakir's eyes widen at the sight of her. This gained the others attention, especially when Fakir tried to make a run for it. Stalker smiled inward, he's so cute when he's scared!

"Hey, your that girl who asked Fakir to marry him," Mytho pointed out, recognizing her from example #7.

"W-What?" Ahiru exclaimed, her mouth wide open in shock like her eyes were and her arms flailing. Rue gave an almost mute sound of surprise.

Stalker ignored them, after all, they were only there to add more funnyness to the joke. "Fakir, I have something to tell you."

Fakir glared at her (he does that a lot, huu?)"What do you want NOW, Stalker!"

"Fakir," Ahiru scolded, forgetting her previous shock about Fakir being asked the big question by some random girl. "That's no way to talk to someone!"

"Ahiru's right, Fakir, you shouldn't be so harsh to your betrothed," Rue said, a taunting smile on her pink lips.

"I agree with both of them," the not-so-heartless prince told his annoyed friend.

"Fakir," Stalker said, again ignoring the other three. "it's over between us."

". . ." Silence came from all five of them. No one moved, only blinking at each other.

"What?" Fakir asked. His eyebrows came together as he tried to remember when the hell they got together in the first place.

"You heard me, Fakir, it's over. Just make it easier on yourself and accept it."

"You're breaking up with me?" Fakir asked, slowly accepting this new information.

Stalker nodded. "Yes, I am."

". . . We were never even dating!"

Stalker's eyes narrowed at him a bit, upset. "I know that you want us to keep our love a secret, but is there really any reason to hide it now that it's over?"

Fakir shook his head at her. "What love?"

"See?" Stalker willed the tears to come to the corners of her eyes. "That's exactly why I'm ending it! You always deny our relationship!"

Fakir's eyes widened and he was reminded of how crazy this girl was. "We don't have a relationship, Stalker!" he informed her, his voice growing louder.

"All Lies!" Stalker cried out before running off.

Rue, Ahiru, and Mytho stared at Fakir. Fakir blinked at them.

"That never happened," he told them. He then turned and walked away, glaring at everything in his path.

"Whoa~"

"Since when did Fakir get a girlfriend?"

". . . I'm a bit jealous."

". . . Same here." (I'll let you decide who said those last few lines.)

**11 When you see him standing next to ANYONE, slap him, than run away screaming.**

Fakir gave a soft groan and rolled to the other side of his bed, trying to cling to sleep for a little while longer. After a minute, he pushed himself into a sitting position and stretched his arms before standing. He walked over to Mytho's bed and gently shook the boys shoulder.

Mytho awoke with a yawn, blinking his large amber eyes. "Good morning, Fakir," Mytho mumbled, sleep still heavy in his soft voice. The fair-haired prince gave a small smile to his best friend.

"Good morning, Mytho," Fakir returned the greeting with a short nod before making his way to the bathroom. Or at least he would have, if the door hadn't burst open the very second after he nodded.

Fakir stood in front of the startled prince, ready to protect on a moments notice. The person he saw in the doorway, however, wasn't someone he had expected.

Stalker's face was darkened with anger and soft snarls came from her clenched teeth. Her hands were in tight fists, her nails almost drawing blood how deeply they went into her skin. "Fakir," she growled out.

"Get out!" Fakir yelled at her. Mytho was still sitting in his bed, hair a mess from sleep and only clothed in his white night shirt, eyes wide as he tried to take everything in. The fact that he woke only fifteen seconds ago wasn't helping much.

Stalker came at Fakir, stopping only a foot short and growled "You Two-Timing Ass!". She then brought her hand up and slapped the knight in one fluid motion before she turned on her heal, her hair hitting Fakir in the face again, and stomped out of the room, making sure to loudly slam the door behind her.

.

"Hi, Mytho! Hi, Fakir!" Ahiru said as she ran up to him. She was about to say more, but she noticed the red handprint on the side of Fakir's tanned face, and gasped. Fakir rolled his eyes at her reaction. At least Mytho would stop asking if it still hurt every minute.

"Hello, Ahiru," both boys greeted her.

"Oh my gosh, are you okay Fakir? You look awful! What happened to you?" Ahiru seemed to remember something and starting waving her arms in front of her. "I, uhh, I mean you don't have to tell me, it's just that it looks like it really hurts since it's all red and it looks like someone hit you and all, but umm, I, well I—"

A loud growl came from above them and all three looked up at the same time. From the window of the hallway that conected the classes together, Stalker glared down at them. She them braced herself and swung her legs over the edge, landing very close to Fakir, who started to move away, but was too slow. The unpleasant sound of skin being slapped was heard along with a not-too-manly yelp, two sounds of surprise, and another snarl from Stalker.

"You cheater!" Stalker yelled at Fakir, who was still a bit dizzy from the hard slap, before she turned around dramatically and walked away while Mytho and Ahiru fussed over Fakir.

.

Fakir tried to keep his face still all threw class, giving Mytho a dirty look when the concerned boy started to annoy him. He had a small white bandage on his left cheek since Stalkers long nails had accidentally/purposely drawn blood with the last slap.

"Good day, Mr. Fakir," Mr. Cat said.

"Mr. Cat," Fakir mumbled, trying not to move his stinging face too much. Mr. Cat took no notice of his students discomfort.

"Mr. Fakir, It has come to my attention that you look like you were slapped repeatedly across the face. Now, I know that—"

The doors where thrown open in a dramatic fashion, much like they do whenever the special class give a demonstration, but Rue and her crew of non-important ballerinas were not there, in there place, was Stalker, looking pissed as ever.

"Oh no," Mytho said. "Fakir, run!" Fakir turned away from Mr. Cat and his eyes widened when he saw the rapidly approaching Stalker. He tried, believe me, he tried, but Stalker was faster and kicked her leg out to come in contact with his . . . ahem, family jewels.

A joined 'Ohh!' came from most of the class who held sympathy for him. It took only a second for the pain to hit, then Fakir fell to his knees, trying not to cry.

"You man-whore!" Stalker yelled at him. "You just never learn, do you!" She then turned and left the classroom, somehow managing to slam the huge doors while Mytho tried to help Fakir, who tried not to whimper.

**12 Tell him how manly it is to be in ballet.**

"Hi, Fakir!" Stalker said cheerfully as she approached him.

A flash of fear came to his eyes before it was replaced with anger. "Go AWAY!"

Stalker looked hurt and brought her hand up to lightly touch her lips as she gasped, tears coming to the corner of her eyes. "W-why?"

Fakir was put threw too much pain in the last joke to feel sympathy for her and glared. "Because you are evil!" As quickly as it had come, the look of hurt was gone and replaced with a look that said 'Oh-Come-On'.

"No, that's Kraehe's job. Or maybe it's Rue's . . . I don't know, she changes her name every week," Stalker pointed out, waving it off.

"Leave!"

"Damn, you ballet boys are so touché. Can't you take a joke?"

Fakir saw red and had thoughts of strangling the fangirl. "A joke? You thought that was funny!"

Stalker looked down. ". . . A little," she muttered.

**13 Tell him that your only one of his stalkers.**

Stalker, being all silent like any stalker should be, looked around from her position on top of one of the library columns. All clear. Stalker looked to the left of her and saw the objective reading. She sighed. It was now or never. With that, she jumped to the next book self closer to the objective, so quiet that no one noticed, and after getting her footing, jumped down onto the worn, dull green rug, shifting her weight to stay as silent as possible. She straightened herself and looked at the objective for a second longer.

"Fakir." The objective, A.K.A Fakir, jumped slightly before turning around in his seat, a glare already on his face.

"What do you want, and why are you whispering?" Fakir asked, not bothering to keep his voice down. Stalker glared at him.

"I'm breaking the code by doing this, so you better be f*cking grateful," she informed him. He blinked in confusion.

"Doing what? What code?"

Stalker quickly placed her hand over his mouth. "Shh! If any of the others find out about this, I'll be put on trial as a traitor," she hissed. She did a 360 check and breathed easier when it was clear again. She then turned her attention back to the struggling Fakir. "If I remove my hand, you wont make a sound above a whisper?" She waited for a second, then Fakir nodded somewhat reluctantly. She removed her gloved hand from his mouth slowly and relaxed a bit when he didn't say anything, he just glared like always.

"Now, what the hell?" Fakir hissed softly.

Stalker sighed, now it's the fun part. She stepped to the side and leaned against the table he had his books placed on, taking a second to get her thoughts straitened.

"Fakir, I am apart of the S.F.F.G.S.G." Her shoulders relaxed, as if a large weight was taken off of them.

"The what?"

"The Secret Fakir Fan Girl Society of Goldcrown," Stalker explained.

Fakir blinked. ". . . Repeat that." Stalker glared again.

"Focus, Fakir! Look, I know that you think I'm just some crazy stalker, and you're only half right. I am Fan Girl number 819. I am a trained stealth ninja and I was sent here to gather information about you to return to HQ." Stalker bit her bottom lip, hoping that he wouldn't freak.

Fakir was quite for a few moments, letting it sink in.

"The FUC—" Stalker acted fast and slapped a hand over his mouth again.

"Keep you're voice down! The others are everywhere!" she warned him, her eyes trying to look everywhere at once.

"Others?" he asked threw her hand, which made it sound more like 'Ofturs'.

Stalker rose one eyebrow at him. "You really think I'm the only one? Remember, I'm # 819."

**14 Tell him that his fan girls are planning to kidnap him in his sleep.**

Stalker ran threw the pathways of the school, her eyes searching wildly for her favorite knight. Finally, her eyes found greenish hair. "Fakir!" She cried as she threw herself at the surprised boy. "Thank God I found you before They did!"

Fakir quickly pulled her off him and held her at arms length. "What's going on?"

Stalker still looked panicked. "The other Fan Girls- they, they are planning on making their move tonight!"

"What?" Green eyes widened.

"Fakir, you can't return to your room tonight, or to Karon's, they know where he lives!" Stalker grabbed his wrist and tried to pull him out of the school and towards town.

"Why the hell not?" Fakir asked, trying to yank his arm back.

Stalker looked at him. "Their waiting for you there!"

Fakir, oddly, put up more of a struggle. Why the hell was he trying to get to his room even though he knew they were there? "Shit, Mytho's in there!" Oh.

Stalker grabbed his shoulders, forcing him to look at her. "Don't you dare be a hero, Fakir, you're still weak from almost getting killed by Kraehe!

"No, I have to help him!" Fakir broke away and dashed for the boys dorms.

Stalker felt tears come to her eyes, knowing that it may be the last time she sees him. She swallowed hard. "I'll never forget you, my hero!"

Fakir went missing for ten days.

**15 Tell him it's not over yet.**

Stalker looked at her watch. 3:00 A.M. Right on time. She had been avoiding Fakir for about a week prior to this time, so he probably thought that the torture was over. Oh no, it was far from over.

Stalker looked down at the sleeping knight and felt a love-sick smile come to her face. He was so cute when he was asleep! She almost didn't want to wake him. Almost.

"Fakir~~," she whispered his name slowly in his ear. Green eyes shot open and jerked up into a sitting position. He probably would have started yelling right away, but Stalker clamped a hand over his mouth. "No need to be all panicky. It's me, Stalker." This oddly didn't help him to calm down.

"Fakir, all I need to do is tell you one thing, then your turn is over, okay?" That made him calm down a bit.

"Mhhkfhha!" Fakir yelled. Stalker smiled. He was so cute when he's angry!

"Alright, now." Stalker cleared her throat.

"Fakir," she whispered. "Your chapter is over, but I want you to remember- I am a Fakir Fan Girl, not a Mytho, Rue, or Ahiru Fan Girl. Even thought this chapter is over, you will continue to be visited by me and my fellow agents throughout the entire story. Now that this chapter had been started, there is no way we well leave you alone. In the last joke, we had to give you back, but we well have you again. We love you, Fakir, and you will be ours again, soon."

Stalker then smiled at the creeped out boy.

"Goodnight, Fakir, sweet dreams!"

**Miigwetch for reading!**

**I really want to thank PenAndInkPrincess so much for helping me and giving me brilliant idea's. I don't know where I would be without your help!**

**Next, I will be editing Mytho!**

**I am really, really sorry if I hurt or offended anyone with what I wrote above. If something I wrote did hurt/offend you, please tell me and I will edit it out.**


	2. Mytho and the NSSMFGLG

**15 Ways To Piss Off Mytho**

**I am so glad that you guys liked the first chapter! The second after I put the story up, I thought 'Oh Shit, there all going to hate it' and I'm glad that at least a few of you liked it.**

**I apologize if any of you are hurt or affended by anything mentioned in this sad atemp of humor.**

**I don't own Princess Tutu in any way, shape, or form.**

**1 Tell him it's his turn to suffer.**

_("Mytho?"_

"_You're that girl who was stalking Fakir in the last chapter."_

"_Yes, I am, but now the __S.F.F.G.S.G. and N.S.S.M.F.G.L.G are working an alliance out, so I have to do a chapter about to in order to please them so they will sigh the treaty . . . that and I wont get my ass kicked for giving Fakir inside information about S.F.F.G.S.G."_

"_The what?"_

"_The Secret Fakir Fan Girl Soci—"_

"_No, I already know about that, the second one you mentioned."_

"_Oh, you mean the Not So Secret Mytho Fan Girl League of Goldcrown, honestly, you ballet boy don't know shit about your stalkers!"_

**2 Ask him if he dyes his hair.**

_("Hey, Mytho."_

"_Hello, Stalker."_

"_I was just wondering something. . ."_

"_What?"_

"_Do you dye you're hair that color?"_

"_I don't know."_

"_What product do you use to dye your hair?"_

"_I don't know."_

"_Dose it bother you that I'm all up in your business?"_

"_I don't know."_

"_. . . Note to self, wait until Mytho has heart shards until you begin you're mission given to you by 'You-Know-Who'."_

"_Who are you talking to?"_

"_Abort mission!"_

**3 Tell him that you are his one true love and that you and he are to be married. Be prepared to run like you've never ran before.**

_("Mytho!_

"_Hello, Stalker."_

"_Hey, how many heart shards has Tutu returned to you?"_

"_Just one."_

"_Good, than you're still incredibly easy to fool."_

"_Okay."_

"_Mytho, you and Rue are no longer together."_

"_Alright."_

"_**I**__ am the love of your life!"_

"_You are the love of my life."_

"_The second I turn 18, we are going to Vegas and getting married!"_

"_Okay."_

"_Hold my hand and walk me to class now, and call me your love in front of Rue, Fakir, Ahiru, and everyone else, they'll love it!"_

"_Okay."_

_*Later that day*_

"_IT WAS JUST A JOKE!" *Runs from Rue as she chases you with a baseball bat*_

**4 Help Fakir out and distract Mytho with something shiny whenever he asks about Tutu.**

_("Fakir, where's Tutu at?"_

"_Don't worry about her, she's not here."_

"_I want to see her."_

"_No, you don't."_

"_I want to see Tutu again, Fakir."_

"_Look over there, Mytho," *points to something shinny* "I think Tutu missed a heart shard!"_

"_Where?" *Mytho runs off looking for the shinny object*_

"_How did you know that would work?"_

"_I just do what the script tells me to do and everything's good."_

"_What script?"_

"_NEVERMIND!"_

**5 Throw pants at him. (I give credit to Sakura)**

_("Mytho."_

"_Fakir told me to stay away from you stalker."_

"_Yes, but since you've got a few of your heart shards back, you can choose to ignore him!"_

"_Really?"_

"_Yep!"_

"_Than what do you want?"_

"_I have a gift for you."_

"_Why did you just give me pants?"_

"_USE THEM!"_

"_. . . but Fakir doesn't like it when I wear pants."_

"_0_0" "I knew it . . . must return to . . . this is Fakir Fan Girl number . . . straight from source . . . huge discovery." Stalker mumbled into their watch._

"_Who are you talking to?"_

"_ABORT MISSION!"_

**6 Kidnap Fakir. (This is a convo that PenAndInkPrincess and I had)**

_("Mytho? Holly shit, what happened to you? Were you rapped again?"_

"_I was rapped before?"_

"_Shit, I guess he didn't remember that. . . oh well. Anyway, what happened to you?"_

"_I can't find Fakir! I have no idea how to take care of myself, Fakir's always done that! I'm freaking out!"_

"_Guess the S.F.F.G.S.G took action quicker then they said they would."_

"_What was that?"_

"_Nothing."_

"_Oh, Ahiru! Have you seen Fakir? I haven't seen him in nearly three days!"_

"_Oh no! We must search the entire town for him! We well not rest until we find Fakir!"_

"_Crap, this is going to be a bit of a problem."_

_*Once Mytho and Ahiru left to search for Fakir, Stalker pulled out her Secret Fakir Fan Girl Society of Goldcrown Communicator Watch.*_

"_This is Fakir Fan Girl number 584, Currently a Mytho Stalker for the N.S.S.M.F.G.L.G. Mytho and Ahiru are getting suspicious about Fakir's disappearance. Send Assassin Squad Beta to take the duck out."_

**7 Tell Mytho that Fakir left on vacation and didn't want to take him. (Also a convo between PaperAndInkPrincess)**

_("Mytho, hi!"_

"_Stalker, thank god!"_

"_Did you find Fakir yet? *Knowing Smirk*"_

"_No, and now I can't find Ahiru either."_

"_Oh, too bad. Fakir sent me a message to give to you."_

"_Really?"_

"_Yep. He told me to tell you that he went on vacation to Hawaii."_

"_Why didn't he tell me?"_

"_Cause if he did, he would have had to take you along, and he is taking this vacation to get AWAY from YOU, so it kinds kind of pointless if he brought you along."_

"_. . ."_

"_. . ."_

_*Wimper*_

"_Shit, please don't cry Mytho! I can't handle tears! They go straight to my guilt and then I'll start blabbing out information about my missions and I'll get my ass kicked again!"_

**8 Show him every single piece of evidence that the FakirXMytho fangirls supplied you with.**

"_Mytho!"_

"_Hi, Stalker."_

"_Are still down about Fakir ditching you? I'm sure he'll bring you back a souvenir from Hawaii!"_

*Deep in the S.F.F.G.S.G HQ, Fakir is tied and gagged as his fangirls stair unblinkingly at him, or are chanting his name. His scream for help is unheard.*

"_Anyway, I have to show you something!"_

"_Is it the same something that made Fakir unable to look me in the eye?"_

"_. . . no . . . It's a different something!"_

"_What is it?"_

"_You see, this other Fan base called the U.S.Y.B that want me to join them, and they sent me some really cool stuff, so I want to show you some of it."_

"_What dose that stand for?"_

"_United Stalkers of Yaoi Boys. They sent me a lot of stuff about you and Fakir."_

*Deep in the S.F.F.G.S.G HQ, Fakir screams something along the lines of 'Mytho, don't do it!' or 'You evil, demonic witch! I hope you all burn in the fiery pits of Hell!'*

"_What dose Yaoi mean?"_

"_I'll show you!"_

_*Half hour later*_

"_MY GOD! My beautiful, pure eyes! Someone gorge them out!"_

"_I think I may become a part time U.S.Y.B Fan Girl, this is fun!"_

**9 Ask him why the hell he chose Rue as his princess and not Tutu.**

*Stalker opens her mouth to ask the question, but a large cloud of dust explodes behind her*

"_What the hell!"_

"_If it's Drosselmeyer, I'm dead!"_

"_If Fakir somehow was able to get out of HQ or if Assassin Team Beta didn't kill Ahiru, I'm Dead!"_

"_Repeat that?"_

"_. . . Autor did it!"_

*Ikuko Itoh walked out of the dust and everyone screamed and started to bow down*

"_Hello everyone," Ikuko Itoh said. "I'm going to tell you why Rue was chosen to be his princess and not Tutu . . . IN A FLASHBACK! Now this goes way back in the story to when Mytho hadn't shattered his heart yet, Lohengrin was still kicking, and Rue didn't exist. Now at first, Tutu WAS the prince's first choice,"_

*Flashback previously mentioned*

"Tutu, I love you more than anything, please become my princess!"

"Holy ****!"

"Not exactly the reaction I was hoping for. . ."

"Are you for real?"

"Of course! How can I not love you? You are kind, beautiful, and your tutu's so sparkly!"

"Thank you, my prince, especially about that last comment, but I cannot be your princess."

"What? Why? Is there something you're not telling me? Gasp, will you turn into a spec of light if you tell me you love me?"

"No, of course not, that's ridicules! I'm in love with Lohengrin!"

". . . You're in love with my best friend?"

"We're getting married next week actually. Want to be the best man?"

*End Flashback*

"_The prince's heart was broken, so he went off to fight a giant raven on the day of Lohengrin and Tutu's wedding and cut his heart out. Unfortunately for Lohengrin and Tutu, an evil but beautiful witch (that looks oddly like Rue) had fallen in love with the prince, and when his heart was broken, she put a spell on Tutu that would make her turn into a spec of light when she confessed her love like the prince had suggested. No one really told Tutu this, so on her wedding day, she said that she loved Lohengrin, and POOF, Lohengrin was a bachelor again! This was short lived, since a raven claw suddenly came and sliced him up."_

_*Silence*_

"_That is a lot different from the original."_

"_Yeah, I know." _

**10 Ask him if he's suicidal since he jumped out a window.**

"_Mytho!"_

"_Hello Stalker."_

_*Takes his hand*"Mytho, I want you to know that I'm always here if you want to talk."_

"_. . . Okay?" *Raven blood takes over* What about if I want your beautiful heart?"_

"_Sorry, my heart belongs to Fakir, and there is no way you can ever change that."_

_*Rejected*_

"_I also was wondering if you would call this number for me."_

"_Whose is it?"_

"_It's the Suicide Hotline."_

"_Why the hell would I call the Suicide Hotline?"_

"_Because they well give you candy- I think you're suicidal, Idiot!"_

"_Why the hell would you think I'm suicidal?"_

"_You've only jumped out a window three times, ran into a burning building once, and have recently become more emo than Fakir!"_

"_I was heartless for three of those, and influenced by Raven's blood for the other two!"_

"_You always say that!"_

**11 Tell him about Rue spending the night with Fakir, Autor, AND Femio!**

_("Hey, Mytho?"_

"_Yeah, Stalker?"_

"_You and Rue love each other, right?"_

"_Yes."_

"_And you two tell each other _everything_, right?"_

"_Yes, why do you ask?"_

"_I was just making sure that you knew about all her wild nights with Fakir last week!"_

"_Hu?"_

"_And I'm sure she's told you about that little fling with Autor a month ago too!"_

"_Repeat that?"_

"_And it would just be an embarrassment if you didn't know that she slept with Femio on the weekends between men!"_

"_. . ."_

"_Aren't you glad she tells you everything?"_

"_RUE!"_

**12 Tell him the truth; he is a man whore.**

_(*Raven Mytho looks around at all the innocent young girls and plans to steel their hearts*_

"_Whoa, Mytho."_

"_What?"_

"_You are such a man whore."_

"_What did you just call me?"_

"_A man whore. It's the honest truth."_

"_I am not a man whore!"_

"_Lets see, first that anteater girl was all over you and you didn't mind, even though you were dating Rue at the time—"_

"_I was heartless!"_

"_LET ME FINNISH!"_

"_. . ."_

"_Now than. There was the anteater, Rue, Ahiru, Fan Girl # 6, Pique, Fan Girl # 39, Fan Girl #56, Freya . . ."_

_*Half hour later*_

"_Fan Girl # 193, Fan Girl # 194, Fan Girl # 195 . . ."_

_*Another half hour later*_

"_That blond chick from the S.F.F.G.S.G, that __other__ blond chick from the S.F.F.G.S.G. . ."_

_*ANOTHER half hour later*_

"_And we can't forget about that girl from the street that you attempted to. . ."_

_*A REALLY, REALLY, LONG TIME LATER*_

"_And Tutu! See? Told you you're a man whore."_

"_. . . It's amazing that I don't have a disease of some sort."_

"_Yeah, you would think that you would at least have HIV! You would probably seduce Fakir, Mr. Cat, Autor, or even Femio if you got the shot!"_

"_That's just taking it a bit too far! Femio, Mr. Cat, and Autor? I don't know who Autor is, but really?"_

"_Notice how you didn't deny Fakir!"_

**13 Put bars on his windows to stop another suicide attempt.**

"_Stalker?"_

"_Oh, hi, Mytho! How were your classes today?"_

"_Forget the classes, what the hell are you doing in my room!"_

"_Oh, I heard about how you attempted suicide again today, so I was nice enough to install these iron bars in your windows!"_

"_How the hell did you get in my room?"_

"_Mytho, I'm a Fangirl, breaking into peoples homes is like second nature to me."_

"_. . ." _

**14 Give him to the N.S.S.M.F.G.L.G as a gift.**

"_Ah, Fakir FanGirl # 584, we have been waiting."_

"_Sorry, the drugs I put in his drink took a bit longer that I thought."_

"_So you brought him?"_

"_Of course I did! The S.F.F.G.S.G. want this treaty with you Mytho girls just as badly as you do, and we are willing to do as much as possible until you agree."_

"_I see. This time tomorrow, the two organizations will have a treaty formed between them."_

"_Thank you, now I believe that you wanted this." *places large black bag on the ground*_

"_I still can't believe that you where able to do this, we have been trying for years to get around Fakir's defenses!"_

"_Fakir is currently gagged and chained at the Fakir HQ, so you have about a week with the prince."_

_*Next day*_

"_Hu? W-Where am I?"_

"_Hello, Mytho-kun."_

"_Whose there? Stalker?"_

"_Stalker is gone; she left hours ago after delivering a very special package."_

"_What? Who are you?"_

_*The lights turn on and Mytho finds that he is surrounded by his many FanGirls*_

"_We have been waiting for you Mytho. Waiting and watching, always watching."_

_*For the next week, no one saw Mytho*_

**15 Tell him that you got promoted!**

"_Mytho!"_

"_Shit! Stay away from me, Stalker!"_

"_Still upset about me giving you to the N.S.S.M.F.G.L.G last week?"_

"_YES!"_

"_You and Fakir are so sensitive about those type of things."_

"_F**K YOU! I was rapped!"_

"_You've been rapped how many times now? You would think you would get use to it."_

"_LEAVE!"_

"_I just have to tell you one thing, then this chapter is over and I will go after Rue."_

"_Oh Thank GOD!"_

"_Anyway~, I have great news!"_

"_What?"_

"_I got promoted from FanGirl to Love Ninja!"_

"_Hu?"_

"_You see, in the world of fangirls, there are different levels and rankings.  
__First, there is the Admirers, the girls who hold innocent crushes and admire the guy.  
__Second is the Advanced Crushers, the girls who have fallen hard core.  
Third is the Obsessed, the girls who think of nothing else but the guy 24/7.  
Forth is the Stalker, the girls who . . . stalk.  
Fifth is the FanGirls, they are the ones who do all the field work and are proud members of the organizations like N.S.S.M.F.G.L.G or S.F.F.G.S.G.  
Sixth is the Love Ninja's, we are the ones who every guy is terrified of.  
__The seventh rank is very rare and hardly ever comes around, they are the girls who go above and beyond to get the guy, who are truly dedicated and in love with the guy, and will spend their entire life trying to win them over. We call them The Fallen."_

"_Wow. . . I am so glad that I don't have a Love Ninja or a Fallen after me!"_

"_What do you think Rue is?"_

**I hope you like it! Personally, I think I could have done better, but I hope that you at least smiled or laughed a bit.**

**Tell me, which was your favorite?**

**-Raven of Winter**


	3. Rue and the SSURF

**15 Ways To Piss Rue Off**

**Sorry for the long wait everyone, and I would like to thank all of my reviewers who sent in idea's for this chapter, I'll try to use as many as I can.**

**I am really sorry about the long wait. Some shit at home has been going on and I just sort of forgot about this story for a bit.**

**I Don't Own Tutu, but I can dream!**

**1 Tell her that you are visiting a friend.**

"_Hi Rue!"_

"_No way. . . You're that girl who gave Mytho to those fangirls and caused Fakir and Ahiru to go missing!"_

"_I have a name you know!"_

"_Why the hell are you here? I thought you were Fakir's FanGirl!"_

"_Love Ninja, actually, my dear crow. I am here visiting a friend of mine."_

"_Who?"_

_(Introducing Toufuu Logan, or Logan as he will be called in this fic.)_

"_Rue, I would like you to meet Logan, he's a loyal member of the S.S.U.R.F."_

"_Hi Rue!"_

"_The what?"_

"_The Somewhat Secret Union of Rue Fans. Girls need to have their Fanclubs too!"_

"_. . . No, I will NOT stand for this! Sorry people, but this chapter is NOT HAP—"_

"_LOGAN! Tackle her!"_

_*Glomp Action between FanBoy and his obsession*_

**2 Tell her that Raven feathers are soo~ last season. (I give credit to PenandInkPrincess)**

"_Hi Rue!"_

"_Stalker! Logan isn't around, is he?"_

" _. . . Nooooo." *Gestures for Logan to stay in the bushes*_

"_Oh thank God! I don't think I would live if he tried to glomp me again!"_

"_Yeah, I guess he got a bit over excited. Anyway, I have to tell you something very important!"_

"_What?"_

_*Logan appears holding her Kraehe costume*_

"_Really Rue? Raven feathers? What were you thinking?"_

"_How did you get that?"_

"_Rue, Stalker and I are FanBoy/Love Ninja's; breaking into places is second nature for us."_

"_Now, back to business, RAVEN feathers?"_

"_What's the big deal? I'm the daughter of the Raven, right?"_

"_Rue, everyone knows that raven feathers are sooo~ last season."_

**3 Ask her to call Social Services about her abusive father.**

"_Rue, I need to talk to you."_

"_I swear to God, if Logan is with you—"_

"_Don't worry about Logan, he and the other FanBoys are in a meeting."_

"_Hu?"_

"_It's a monthly meeting where everyone talks about what their obsession has been doing for the past month, fill the books with new information, gain new missions, that kind of stuff."_

"_. . ."_

"_Anyway, Rue, I want you to call this number—"_

"_Mytho told me about this! I'm not suicidal, I swear!"_

"_I know your not. That number is to Social Services."_

"_. . . Why would I want to call them?"_

"_I found out about you're father abusing you, and it just breaks my heart, Rue!"_

"_What? My father doesn't abuse me."_

"_How many times has he threatened to eat your heart, almost smash you with that huge freakin claw of his, and roar at you?"_

"_I . . ."_

"_Yea see!"_

**4 Tell her that its bird hunting season and that you're cousin and friend's are looking for raven's. (I give credit to Toufuu Logan)**

"_Rue! Did you hear the news?"_

"_Did Tutu fall down a flight of stairs?"_

"_No . . . It's bird hunting season!"_

"_Why do I care?"_

"_Because, my cousin and his friends promised that they would kill this really cool raven for me!"_

"_. . . A raven?"_

"_Yeah! It's called Crovua Corax Kraehe! It's known for it's jealousy over swans, long black feathers, and obsession over guys with white hair!"_

" _. . .N-never h-heard of it. Hey, h-how long does this hunting thing last?"_

"_Just shy of a few weeks, why?" _Has no idea how long it lasts.

"_N-No reason. I have to go!"_

_*Rue soon went into hiding*_

**5 Ask her how the hell her tutu and hair stay up when she's Kraehe.**

"_Rue."_

"_Hello Rue!"_

"_Stalker, Logan, what a . . . nice surprise."_

"_Bite me!"_

"_. . ."_

"_Stalkers still upset about not being able to get that Crovua Corax Kraehe bird. She wanted to use its feathers to make a tutu as cool as yours is when you're Kraehe."_

"_Ohh. Logan, can you please take a step away."_

"_Why?"_

"_You are invading her f**king bubble. Hey, Rue, can you tell me something?"_

"_Sure, Stalker."_

"_How the hell do you keep the top of your tutu up?"_

"_Uh…"_

"_Or your hair for that matter, I mean, those things just defy gravity!"_

**6 Tell her how cute you thing Mytho and Tutu are together.**

"_AWWWWWWWWW! So cute!"_

"_What are you looking at?"_

"_Just the cutest couple ever!"_

"_Me and Mytho."_

"_No."_

"_Ahiru and Fakir?"_

"_No. It's Mytho and Tutu!"_

"_. . . The F**k?"_

"_Cussing is bad Rue. Bad, but fun."_

"_Mytho and TUTU?"_

"_It makes since, Tutu is the one who gave him those heart shards back, was willing to turn into a speck of light for him, and loves him with all her heart, even if she can't say it. You have stolen his heart shard, almost killed his best friend and Tutu, and poisoned him with Raven's blood. Who do you think is better for him?"_

**7 Ask her if those feathers are her only weapon.**

"_Rue, hi!"_

"_Stalker."_

"_I have a question for you."_

"_Again? Why do you have to keep annoying me?"_

"_Don't you worry your pretty little head off. Once this chapter is over, I'm going to annoy Ahiru! But, we still have eight more to go!"_

"_Damn it."_

_*Cough* "Anyway, are those feathers your only weapon?"_

"_. . . Kind of?"_

"_What do you mean 'kind of'? It's a simple yes or no question."_

"_I have this really cool dagger that I almost stabbed Mytho with."_

"_And yet you still think your better for Mytho than Tutu. Don't you have to use a feather for that though?"_

"_. . ."_

"_I'll take that as a yes."_

**8 Ask her if her eyes are naturally red or if she is secretly a demon.**

"_Rue, I've been looking everywhere for you!"_

"_Stalker, Logan."_

"_You seem to be in a bad mood today."_

"_I am. I saw Mytho dancing with Princess Tutu."_

"_Or you are just getting withdrawals from all those drugs."_

"_How dare you-I don't take drugs!"_

"_Then why are your eyes always red? There is no way that is your natural eye color, unless you're a demon."_

"_Rue isn't a demon, Stalker. She's probably just on drugs."_

"_You have to say that Logan. You are one of her fanboys."_

"_I'm not a demon, I'm not on drugs, and this is my natural eye color!"_

"_Ohh! So you are a demon."_

**9 Introduce her to the President of N.S.S.M.F.G.L.G.**

"_Ohh Ruuuuuue!"_

"_God help me. . ."_

"_What was that?"_

"_Nothing!"_

"_I have a friend that I would like you to meet, Rue!"_

"_Please tell me it's not another boy from S.S.U.R.F."_

"_Don't worry, it's not one of your fanboys."_

"_Thank God."_

"_I would like you to meet the president of N.S.S.M.F.G.L.G!"_

"_. . ."_

"_So, you're Rue."_

"_And you're the president of my boyfriend's fan club."_

"_Yes."_

_*Ten Minutes Later*_

"_Bitch!"_

"_Whore!"_

"_Slut!"_

"_Mother F**ker!"_

"_*%!**(^_^;$#!"_

"_You little CENSORED piece of CENSORED!"_

"_Whoa . . . My ears were once so innocent . . ."_

**10 Get a fan boy to eat her pointe shoes with the excuse that she is now a true prima. (Toufuu Logan)**

"_Rue-Chan!"_

"_Stalker. . . What is it now?"_

"_Are you still sore from your fight with the President of N.S.S.M.F.G.L.G?"_

"_Yes, no thanks to you."_

"_Well, I have a surprise that might cheer you up!"_

"_Oh dear lord . . . What is it?"_

"_Look!"_

_*Points to Random Fan who is chewing on her left, red pointes shoe.*_

_*Scream* "What do you think your doing!"_

"_Trying to eat you shoe . . . it's not as easy as it looks."_

"_Stop it! Stalker, how is this suppose to cheer me up?"_

"_I thought you would be happy to know that you are now a true prima donna. You even have the fan eating your shoe!"_

"_Well stop it! I need those for class!"_

"_Hey, she's paying me a lot of money to eat this thing."_

"_Maybe we should take you and Logan to the hospital later. I don't think those things well settle in your stomachs too well."_

"_Logan's doing this too?"_

"_Yeah, he's chewing on the right one!"_

**11 Ask her why she poisoned the one who she apparently loved.**

"_Hi Rue."_

"_. . ."_

"_Oh, silent treatment. How was class today? It must have been hard without your pointe shoes and still being sore from your fight."_

_*Growl*_

"_You are a raven, you caw. You are not a dog."_

"_Leave me alone!"_

"_Whoa, you talked to me!"_

"_Shut up."_

"_I will leave you alone for the rest of the day is you answer me question."_

"_Ask away, you she-devil."_

"_You and Fakir say the nicest things. Why did you poison the one you love?"_

"_Didn't poison him, I gust tainted him with the Raven's blood."_

"_And that turned him into an abusive man-whore. He was once so sweet and kind, now he tries to steal the heart of every girl he sees."_

"_He loves me though."_

"_But he's turned evil."_

"_But he loves me."_

"_. . . You really think your better for him than Tutu, huh?"_

**12 Suggest that she and Mytho go to counseling to work out all their problems.**

"_Hey Rue."_

"_Now what?"_

"_I heard about the little incident that happened with you and Mytho during class."_

"_You and all the school."_

"_Now no need for that kind of attitude. I'm here to help you out."_

"_I don't want your help!"_

"_Well, too bad, because I can't leave you alone until this chapter ends. Trust me, your one of my least favorite characters. Now are you going to continue to be difficult?"_

"_. . ."_

"_Good! Now, I want you to call this number and set up an appointment for you and Mytho."_

"_If this is Social Services again—"_

"_No, this is the number of a relationship councilor. I think he can really help you and Mytho."_

"_There is nothing wrong with Mytho and me!"_

"_Other than the fact that he tries to take others hearts, your jealousy issues, and the abuse that happened today." _

**13 Ask her how her 'father' feels about that revealing tutu.**

"_Hi Rue-Chan!"_

"_LEAVE!"_

"_Well, __someone's__ PMSing."_

"_I am not!"_

"_Suuuure. Anyway, I was wondering if I can ask you a question."_

"_Is it about Mytho, Tutu, or fangirls?"_

"_No."_

"_Ask away."_

"_How does your father feel about your revealing tutu?"_

"_Father doesn't mind it. He said that it makes me look less ugly."_

"_Well, Rue, I doubt that many men will think you're unattractive when you're showing __that __much cleavage."_

"_Are you calling me a slut?"_

"_No, but you just did."_

**14 Lock her in a room with her fanboys.**

"_Rue, come here!"_

"_What is it now, Stalker?"_

"_I need to tell you something! Mytho's in the closet with Fakir! I think there making out!" *Points to door*_

"_WHAT?" *Runs into room, ready to kill Fakir with her oh so deadly feathers.*_

"_Hehe, I'm going to be evil and lock the door."_

"_No, Stalker, wait!"_

"_Logan? I thought you were in there with all the other S.S.U.R.F Fanboys."_

"_No, I was running late. You need to let me in there! The S.S.U.R.F President promised that I can get an extra minute of glomping Rue!"_

"_Alright, but make sure Rue doesn't slip out."_

"_Okay!"_

_*Cracks the door open a bit so Logan can fit in*_

"_AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!~~"_

_*Closes door after Logan dashes in*_

"_She is such a drama queen."_

**15 Ask her if she enjoys being in an abusive relationship with a suicidal man whore of a boyfriend.**

"_Will you go away already?"_

"_I've told you this before; I have to wait until the end of the chapter before I can! If you would hush and answer my question, this can all end."_

"_Really? Ask me the question already so you can leave!"_

"_Well, don't I feel loved."_

"_ASK!"_

"_Alright, alright, Jezz. Do you enjoy being in an abusive relationship with a suicidal man whore, otherwise known as Mytho?_

"_. . . What?"_

"_Do you enjoy being in an abusi-"_

"_No, you don't need to repeat it. Mytho isn't abusive, suicidal, or a man whore."_

"_Alright, so he isn't now that he got his enter heart back, but he was when you changed him with the Raven's blood. So tell me, do you?"_

"_I love Mytho, and since he isn't any of those things, yes, I am very happy in our relationship."_

"_Ohh, so you like the abusive cheaters. That explains why Autor never had a chance. He may be a know it all and only had a one-sided conversation with you for fifteen minutes, but he would be faithful and loving to you, so he's just not your type, huh?"_

"_Mytho isn't abusive, suicidal, or unfaithful! He loves me, and I love him!"_

"_Tisk, tisk. Denial~."_

**I think that I didn't do very well on this chapter.**

**I am really sorry if any of you are offended or hurt by anything mentioned in this sad attempt at humor.**

**Next, I will be going after Ahiru, and I have a feeling it will be a lot of fun since she has feelings for bother Mytho and Fakir, has three identities, and is really inocent.**


	4. Attention All Readers

Attention all readers!

I would like to tell you all that this story well be going threw a complete re-write and the chapters will soon be replaced with the re-written ones. It took me forever, but I realized that some of (okay, a lot) of my jokes are very hurtful and cruel to some, so I will be replacing some with (hopefully funnier) new jokes. It was also brought to my attention that the format that this story is written in is sloppy and against the rules placed on the site.

I hope that you all understand and are not too upset about this. I will be replacing the chapters soon.


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